The Golden Lily Chapter 24

BECAUSE THIS DAY couldnt get whatsoever weirder, I decided to cloture by Adrians. There was some liaison I was dying to enjoy but hadnt had a chance to ask.He opened the door when I knocked, a paintbrush in deal. Oh, he said. Unexpected.Am I interrupting boththing?Just homework. He stepped aside to let me in. Dont worry. Its non the crisis for me that it would be for you.I entered the living room and was happy to see it filled with canvases and easels formerly again. Youve got your art studio rachis.Yup. He set the brush down and wiped his hands on a rag. Now that this place is no longer research central, I can return it to its normal artistic state. He leaned against the back of the plaid sofa and settleed me as I strolled from canvas to canvas. One of them gave me pause. Whats this? It looks like a lily.It is, he said. No offense, but this lily is kind of to a greater extent badass than yours. If the Alchemists pauperism to buy the rights to this and start using it, Im wi lling to negotiate.Noted, I said. I was still smiling from Braydens breakup, and this only added to my pricy mood. Although, admittedly, the painting kind of lost me a little as the abstract nature of his art often did. The lily, despite being more stylized and badass than the straitlaced wiz on my cheek, was still clearly identifiable. It was correct done in gold paint. Splashes of free-form scarlet paint surrounded it, and slightly the red was an almost pellucid pattern in ice blue. It was striking, but if at that place was some deeper meaning, it was beyond me.Youre in an awfully good mood, he observed. Was there a sale at Khakis-R-Us? I gave up on my artistic interpretation and turned to him. Nope. Brayden broke up with me.Adrians smirk faded. Oh. Shit. Im sorry. Are you I mean, do you need a take up? Do you need to, uh, cry or anything?I laughed. No. Weirdly, Im fine. It really doesnt bother me at all. But it should, right?Maybe theres something wrong with me.Adrians g reen eye weighed me. I dont think so. Not every(prenominal) breakup is a tragedy. Stillyou might be due for some kind of comfort.He straightened and walked over to the kitchen. Puzzled, I watched as he pulled something from the freezer and rifled through his silverware drawer. He returned to the living room and presented me with a pint of pomegranate gelato and a spoon.Whats this for? I asked, accepting the whirl out of shock alone.For you, obviously. You valued pomegranate, right?I thought back to the night at the Italian restaurant. Well, yeah but you didnt need to do thisWell, you wanted it, he said resolveably. That, and a deals a deal.What deal?Remember when you said youd drink a regular can of pop if I didnt smoke for a day?Well, I calculated the calories, and thats the same as a serving of this. If you can believe there are four servings in that tiny thing.I reason out to dropped the gelato. You you went a day without smoking?Almost a week, actually, he said. So you can eat the entire thing if you want. wherefore on human race would you do that? I asked.He shrugged. Hey, you laid out the challenge. Besides, smokings an unhealthy habit, right?Right I was still stunned.Eat up. Its exit to melt.I handed the gelato back. I cant. Not with you watching. Its overly weird. Can I eat it later?Sure, he said, returning it to the freezer. If youll really eat it. I know how you are. I crossed my mail as he stood opposite me. Oh?He fixed me with a disconcertingly hard look. Maybe everyone else thinks your aversion to food is cute but not me. Ive watched you watch Jill. Heres some tough love you will neer, ever defecate her eubstance. Ever. Its impossible. Shes Moroi. Youre human. Thats biology. You acquit a great one, one that most humans would kill for and youd look even better if you put on a little weight. Five pounds would be a good start. Hide the ribs. Get a bigger bra size.Adrian I was aghast. You are you out of your mind? You have no right to tell me thatNone at all.He scoffed. I have every right, Sage. Im your friend, and no one else is going to do it. Besides, Im the king of unhealthy habits. Do you think I dont know one when I see it? I dont know where this came from your family, too umteen Moroi, or skilful your own OCD nature but Im telling you, you dont have to do it.So this is some kind of intervention.This is the truth, he said simply. From someone who cares and wants your body to be as healthy and amazing as your mind.Im not listening to this, I said, turning aside. A mix of emotions churned in me. Anger.Outrage. And weirdly, a little relief. Im going. I never should have come by. His hand on my shoulder stop me. Wait listen to me. Reluctantly, I turned. His expression was still stern, but his voice had softened. Im not trying to be mean. Youre the last person I want to hurt but I dont want you hurting yourself either. You can ignore everything I just said, but I had to get it out, okay? I wont mention it again. Youre the one in control of your life.I looked away and blinked back tears. Thanks, I said. I should have been happy he was going to back off. Instead, there was an ache inside me, like hed torn something open that I was trying to ignore and keep shut down away. An ugly truth I didnt want to admit to myself, which I knew was hypocritical for someone who claimed to deal in facts and data. And whether I wanted to agree with him or not, I knew without a doubt he was right closely one thing no one else wouldve told me what he just had.Why did you come by anyhow? he asked. You sure you dont want to make my awesome painting the new Alchemist logo? I couldnt help a small laugh. I looked back up at him, willing to help him with the abrupt change in subject. No. Something much more serious.He looked relieved at my smile and gave me one of his smirky ones in return. Must be really serious.That night at the compound. How did you know how to drift the Mustang? His smile vanished.Beca use you did, I said. You drove it without any hesitation. As good as I could have. I started to wonder if maybe someone else had been showing you how to do it. But even if youd had lessons every day since you got the car, you couldnt have driven like that. You shifted like youve been crusade manual your whole life. Adrian turned abruptly away and walked to the opposite side of the living room. Maybe Im a natural, he said, not looking at me.It was special(a) how quickly the tables had turned. One minute he had me backed into a corner, forcing me to face issues I didnt want. Now it was my turn. I followed him over to the window and made him meet my gaze.Im right, arent I? I pushed. Youve been driving one your whole lifeNot even Moroi give licenses to infants, Sage, he said wryly.Dont dodge this. You know what I mean. Youve known how to drive stick for years. His silence answered for him, telling me I was right, even if his face was hard to read.Why? I demanded. Now I was nearly plea ding. Everyone said I was so exceptionally smart, I could string random things together and make remarkable conclusions. But this was beyond me, and I couldnt handle something that made so little sense. Why would you do that? Why would you act like you didnt know how to drive? A million thoughts seemed to cross his mind, none of which he wanted to share. At last, he agitate his head in exasperation. Isnt it obvious, Sage? No, of course it isnt. I did it so Id have a reason to be around you one I knew you couldnt refuse. I was more confused than ever. But why? Why would you want to do that?Why? he asked. Because it was the closest I could get to doing this. He reached out and pulled me to him, one hand on my waist and the other behind my neck. He tipped my head up and lowered his lips to mine. I closed my eyeball and melted as my whole body was consumed in that kiss. I was nothing. I was everything. Chills ran over my skin, and fire burned inside me. His body pressed closer to min e, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. His lips were warmer and softer than anything I could have ever imagined, yet fierce and powerful at the same time. Mine responded hungrily, and I tightened my hold on him. His fingers slid down the back of my neck, tracing its shape, and every place they touched was electric.But perhaps the best part of all was that I, Sydney Katherine Sage, guilty of constantly analyzing the world around me, well, I stopped thinking.And it was glorious.At least, it was until I started thinking again.My mind and all its worries and considerations suddenly took over. I pulled away from Adrian, despite my bodys protests. I backed up from him, knowing my eyeball were fright and wide. What what are you doing?I dont know, he said with a grin. He took a step toward me. But Im pretty sure you were doing it too.No. No. Dont get any closer You cant do that again. Do you understand? We cant ever we shouldnt have oh my God. No. Never again. That was wrong. I put my fingers to my lips, as though I would wipe away what had just happened, but mostly I was reminded again of the sweetness and heat of his mouth against mine. I promptly dropped my hand.Wrong? I dont know, Sage. Honestly, that was the most right thing thats happened to me in a while. Nonetheless, he kept his distance.I agitate my head frantically. How can you say that? You know how it is Theres no well, you know. Humans and vampires cant no. There cant be anything between them.Between us.Well, there had to have been at one point, he said, attempting a reasonable tone. Or there wouldnt be dhampirs today. Besides, what about the Keepers?The Keepers? I nearly laughed, but no part of this was funny. The Keepers stay in caves and wage campfire battles over possum stew. If you want to go live that life, youre more than welcome to. If you want to live in the civilized world with the rest of us, and then do not touch me again. And what about Rose? Arent you madly in love with her? Adrian l ooked way too calm for this situation. Maybe I was once. But its been what, nearly three months? And honestly, I havent thought much about her in a while. Yeah, Im still hurt and chance kind of used, but really, shes not the one Im always thinking about anymore.I dont see her face when I go to sleep. I dont wonder about No I backed up even further. I dont want to hear this. Im not going to listen to any more.With a few speedy steps, Adrian stood in front of me again. The wall was only a couple inches behind me, and I had nowhere to go. He made no threatening moves, but he did clasp my hands and hold them to his chest while leaning down to me.No, you will listen. For once, youre going to hear something that doesnt fit into your neat, compartmentalized world of order and system of logic and reason. Because this isnt reasonable. If youre terrified, believe me this scares the hell out of me, too. You asked about Rose? I tried to be a better person for her but it was to impress her , to get her to want me. But when Im around you, I want to be better because well, because it feels right. Because I want to. You make me want to become something greater than myself. I want to excel. You recreate me in every act, every word, every glance. I look at you, and youre like like light made into flesh. I said it on Halloween and meant every word you are the most scenic creature I have ever seen walking this earth. And you dont even know it. You have no clue how beautiful you are or how brightly you shine.I knew I needed to break away, to jerk my hands from his. But I couldnt. Not yet.Adrian And I know, Sage, he continued, his eyes filled with fire. I know how you guys feel about us. Im not stupid, and believe me, Ive tried to get you out of my head. But there isnt enough liquor or art or any other distraction in the world to do it. I had to stop going to Wolfes because it was too hard being that close to you, even if it was all just pretend fighting. I couldnt stand th e touching. It was agonizing because it meant something to me and I knew it meant nothing to you. I kept telling myself to stay away altogether, and then Id find excuses like the car anything to be around you again. Hayden was an asshole, but at least as long as you were involved with him, I had a reason to keep my distance. Adrian was still holding my hands, his face eager and panicked and desperate as he spilled his heart before me. My own heart was beating uncontrollably, and any number of emotions could have been to blame. He had that distracted, enraptured look the one that he held when spirit seized him and made him ramble. I prayed thats what this was, some spirit-induced fit of insanity. It had to be. Right?His name is Brayden, I said at last. Slowly, I was able to quiet my anxiety and gain some control. And even without him, you have a million reasons to keep your distance. You say you know how we feel. But do you? Do you really? I pulled my hands from his and pointed at m y cheek. Do you know what the golden lily truly means? Its a promise, a dedicate to a lifestyle and a belief system. You cant throw something like that away. This wont let me, even if I wanted to. And truthfully, I dont want to I believe in what we do. Adrian regarded me levelly. He didnt try to take my hands again, but he didnt back away either. My hands felt painfully empty without his. This lifestyle and belief system youre defending have used you and keep using you. They treat you like a piece in a machine, one thats not allowed to think and youre better than that.Some part of the system are flawed, I admitted. But the principles are sound, and I believe in them. Theres a divide between humans and vampires between you and me that can never be breached. Were too different. Were not meant to be like this. Like anything.None of us are meant to be or do anything, he said. We decide what were going to be.You told me once that there are no victims here, that we all have the power to make what we want.Dont try to use my own words against me, I warned.Why? he asked, a slight smile on his lips. They were damned good ones. Youre not a victim. Youre not a captive to that lily. You can be what you want. You can choose what you want.Youre right. I slipped away, finding no resistance from him at all. And I dont choose you. Thats what youre missing in all of this.Adrian stilled. His smile dropped. I dont believe you. I scoffed. let me guess. Because I kissed you back? That kiss had made me feel more alive than I had in weeks, and I had a feeling he knew that.He shook his head. No. Because theres no one else out there who understands you like I do.I waited for more. Thats it? Youre not going to elaborate on what that means? Those green eyes held me. I dont think I need to.I had to look away, though I was unsure why. If you know me so well, then youll understand why Im leaving.Sydney I moved quickly toward the door. Goodbye, Adrian.I hurried toward the door, half-af raid hed try to hold me again. If he did, I wasnt sure I could leave. But no touch came. No military campaign at all was made to stop me. It wasnt until I was halfway out on the lawn in front of his building that I dared a peek back. Adrian stood there leaning against the doorframe, watching me with his heart in his eyes. In my chest, my own heart was breaking. On my cheek, the lily reminded me who I was.I turned from him and walked away, refusing to look back.